Friday, December 20, 2013

Christmas Penis Gingerbread Cookie Tutorial

Festive gingerbread penis cookies! With Santa hats! And SPRINKLE PUBES!

This video tutorial will show you how to create a flaccid penis wearing a Santa hat even if you don't have a Santa hat cookie cutter.

Everyone already has a flaccid penis cookie cutter, right?

The cookie recipe comes from this site, but I've made a few changes to the ingredients and technique.

Vegan Gingerbread Cookies
Makes 2 to 3 dozen cookies, depending on the size.

1/3 c soy-free Earth Balance, at room temperature
1 c coconut sugar, brown sugar, or evaporated cane sugar
1 c unsulphured molasses
3/4 c water
6 c all-purpose flour
2 tsp baking soda
3/4 tsp kosher salt
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp ground ginger
1/2 tsp cloves
1/2 tsp allspice

Vegan Royal Icing
sprinkles (optional)

In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, or in a large mixing bowl and using a hand mixer, cream together the margarine, sugar, molasses, and 1/2 cup of water.

In another bowl, sift together the flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, ginger, cloves, and allspice. Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients, adding just enough of the water to incorporate all the flour and form a dough that holds together well.

Form dough into two equal balls. Wrap one ball well with plastic wrap and set aside. With a lightly floured rolling pin, roll the first ball of dough out on a piece of floured parchment paper to 1/4" thick. Cover with plastic wrap. Repeat the process with the second ball. Refrigerate dough disks for at least one hour, or overnight.

Preheat the oven to 350º. Line a large baking sheet with parchment paper. Remove the dough from the fridge one disk ant a time an use cookie cutters to cut out your desired shapes. Use a spatula to transfer the cookies to the prepared cookie sheets, leaving 1 to 2 inches between cookies. Place the sheet of cookies back in the fridge and refrigerate 15 minutes.

Bake cookies for 10 to 12 minutes, until the surface is firm. Transfer to a wire rack to cool completely. Decorate with royal icing and sprinkles.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Vegan Royal Icing Recipe

People are often intimidated by royal icing because the results can look really fancy. This super easy recipe is perfect for piping and flooding cutout cookies, like this gingerbread cat.

Easy Vegan Royal Icing
Printable recipe
Makes enough to pipe and frost one dozen medium cookies.

3 Tbsp Ener-G egg replacer
4 Tbsp water
2 tsp lemon juice
1/2 tsp vanilla extract or lemon extract
3 c powdered sugar
gel food coloring (optional)

Using an electric mixer, beat the egg replacer and water until thick and frothy. Add the lemon juice and extract. Add the powdered sugar and beat on low until combined. Add food coloring if desired, or divide white icing into multiple bowls and color separately.

I always make the entire batch at piping consistency, fill my piping bag with enough to pipe my cookies, then gradually add enough water to turn the rest into flood icing.

Icing for piping should be the consistency of thick toothpaste. When you dip a spoon in piping icing and pull it out, you'll get a nice peak. It will hold its shape wonderfully when piped around the edge of a cookie.

Flood icing will fall from a spoon in ribbons, taking five to ten seconds for the edges to disappear.

When your cookies are decorated, let them sit overnight, uncovered, so icing can set.

For the cookie above, I used white icing to pipe the border for contrast. You're welcome to make both consistencies in one color. Usually I'm lazy and pipe everything in white.

Once you master basic decorating, you can play around with layers and marbling and all kinds of fun techniques. Give it a try and maybe you'll end up obsessed with royal icing like I am!

Monday, December 9, 2013

Vegan Chocolate Chip Cat Cookies

Vegan Chocolate Chip Cat Cookie Tutorial

I had the opportunity to bake for the Cat Care Society's holiday bake sale, and I knew I wanted to make something extra special. My basic chocolate chip cookie recipe is incredibly easy, and incredibly easy to modify. I've used it as the base for heart-shaped chocolate chip cookies, double chocolate espresso cookies, raspberry ginger cookies, and maple bacon cookies. I thought kitty shaped cookies would be perfect.

Vegan Chocolate Chip Cat Cookies

All packaged and ready to go to the Cat Care Society!

Vegan Chocolate Chip Cat Cookies

Basic Vegan Chocolate Chip Cookies
Makes 12-20 cookies, depending on size.

2 c unbleached all purpose flour (gluten-free all purpose flour mix works, too!)
1 1/2 tsp cocoa powder
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 c chocolate chips
1 c sugar
1/2 c vegetable oil
1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1/4 c water

Preheat oven to 350º. Line a large baking sheet with parchment paper. 

In a large bowl, mix dry ingredients. Add chocolate chips. Set aside.

In a separate bowl, mix sugar and oil very well. Stir in water and vanilla until combined. Pour wet ingredients into the well in the dry ingredients and mix with a large fork or wooden spoon until combined, being careful not to overwork it.

For round cookies, scoop by heaping tablespoonfuls, roll into a ball, and flatten to 1/2 " thickness.

Place 1" apart on cookie sheet. Bake 11-12 minutes, just until cookies are no longer puffed up. Cool on the baking sheet for 2-3 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.

Cat cookie instructions are below.

Vegan Chocolate Chip Cat Cookie Recipe Ingredients

Vegan Chocolate Chip Cat Cookie Dough

For cat cookies: Scoop by heaping tablespoonfuls and press evenly into an upside down heart-shaped cookie cutter.

Vegan Chocolate Chip Cat Cookie DIY Tutorial

Vegan Chocolate Chip Cat Cookie Heart

For each ear, scoop 1/2 teaspoon of dough without chocolate chips and press into corners of a star cookie cutter.

Adding Ears to Vegan Chocolate Chip Cat Cookies

Cut off the point of the heart, about 1/4".

Adding Ears to Vegan Chocolate Chip Cat Cookies

Gently press ears onto the head. Don't worry, these will stick when they're baked.

Vegan Chocolate Chip Cat Cookies Before Baking

Add two chocolate chips for eyes.

Vegan Chocolate Chip Cat Cookies Before Baking

Place 1 1/2" apart on cookie sheet and refrigerate for 15-20 minutes, until dough is firm. This keeps the cookies from spreading too much. The cookie below was made with unchilled dough, so if you like the way he looks, don't worry about refrigerating your cookies before baking.

Bake cookies 11-12 minutes, just until cookies are no longer puffed up. Cool on the baking sheet for 2-3 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.

Vegan Chocolate Chip Cat Cookie After Baking

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Maple-Sweetened Extra Peanut Buttery No-Bake Cookies

Maple-Sweetened Peanut Buttery Chocolate Vegan No-Bake Oat Cookies by BlueBallsBakery

Way back in the olden days, I co-owned a little coffee shop in Denver. The traditional version of these cookies was our best seller, and with good reason. THEY ARE DELICIOUS. But the sugar, butter, and milk in the o.g. recipe would probably kill me at this point.

With my recent acceptance of my cane sugar intolerance (it only took five years), I modified the recipe to include pure maple syrup. Maple syrup is pretty expensive compared to cane sugar, so if you can tolerate sugar, you can sub in an equal amount of that instead.

They were easily veganized by using Earth Balance in place of butter and almond milk in place of regular milk. I know I've said this before, but I think regular EB tastes weird, so I always use the soy-free stuff. Coconut oil would probably work just as well, but I haven't experimented with that.

If you're trying to keep these free of cane sugar, use unsweetened almond milk, unless you're awesome and make your own nut milk and sweeten it with dates or maple syrup. I used store-bought unsweetened vanilla because I'm always a fan of more vanilla flavor.

Maple-Sweetened Peanut Buttery Chocolate Vegan No-Bake Oat Cookies by BlueBallsBakery

I also upped the peanut butter because I really, really, really fucking love peanut butter. Pretty sure over half of my daily calories come from peanut butter. I shit you not. Whole Foods 365 creamy peanut butter is my favorite.

For the oats, quick-cooking oats work much better than thick rolled oats. The thick oats tend to stay crunchier than I'd prefer in a cookie, but that's what I usually have on hand. I just measure out a little more than the recipe calls for and pulse it in a food processor a few times, until the oats are broken up a bit.

These are so quick and easy, it's ridiculous. Perfect for last minute parties or potlucks, or random sweets cravings. You could probably mold these into dick-shaped cookies before putting them in the fridge. Everything tastes better when it looks like a penis, right? Right!

Maple-Sweetened Peanut Buttery Chocolate Vegan No-Bake Oat Cookies by BlueBallsBakery

Maple-Sweetened Extra Peanut Buttery No-Bake Cookies
Printable recipe
Makes 12 cookies.

1/2 cup pure maple syrup
1/4 cup non-dairy milk
2 Tbsp vegan margarine or coconut oil
1/2 cup natural peanut butter
1/4 cup cocoa powder
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 1/2 cup quick oats

Line a cookie sheet with waxed or parchment paper.

Combine maple syrup, milk, Earth Balance, peanut butter, and cocoa powder in a small saucepan. Cook over medium heat for 2-5 minutes, stirring frequently, until ingredients are combined and the mixture has thickened. Remove from heat and stir in vanilla. Stir in oats until coated.

Drop onto lined cookie sheet by heaping tablespoons and flatten if desired. Refrigerate until cookies are firm, 20-30 minutes.

Maple-Sweetened Peanut Buttery Chocolate Vegan No-Bake Oat Cookies by BlueBallsBakery

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Date-Sweetened Pumpkin Mini Pies with Toasted Marshmallow Topping


Sweet and spicy and covered in toasted marshmallows. TOASTED FUCKING MARSHMALLOWS. The crunch of a toasted marshmallow is one of my favorite things.

And can we talk about pie crust for a minute?

Carbs and fat. THE BEST COMBINATION. Golden and flaky and buttery (Earth-Balancy just doesn't have the same ring to it, but you know what I mean). Can you believe I was one of those asshole children who would eat all the guts out of a slice of pie and throw the crust away? If I could travel back in time and slap some sense into that bratty little ginger girl, I would.

So, these obviously include pie crust. Just a little bit, though, because these pies are small and too much crust would overpower the filling. Trust me.

Now, for the sweetness. Cane sugar and I don't really get along. Pretty shitty problem for a baker, huh? Small amounts don't bother me, but unless I want to dedicate an afternoon to having the shakes, taking a three hour nap, and waking up with swollen joints that last for three days, I don't eat more than a tablespoon of chocolate chips or a few Dandies. Your typical cupcake with a mound of frosting would knock my dick in the dirt before I even finished inhaling it. Lucky me, right?

I've made these with liquid stevia (and no marshmallows) in the past and they were pretty good, but I don't recommend serving purely stevia-sweetened desserts to everyone. It's definitely an acquired taste. But dates? Everyone loves dates. Sweet, sweet dates.

As a side note, don't you think dates kind of look like short, fat, cat turds? I do. But my brain can pretty much make anything look like a turd, a penis, boobs, or a vagina. I'm very mature, and obviously very talented.

I made mini pies because my thrifted food processor is ghetto and small and could only handle enough pie filling for the recipe below. Also, I don't have a pie tin, so I used ramekins. Maybe one day I won't be poor?

Related: I want these for my birthday.

Date-Sweetened Pumpkin Mini Pies with Toasted Marshmallow Topping
Vegan, can be gluten-free. Makes two mini pies in small ramekins (anywhere from 3" to 4.5" will work).
See the very end for instructions for making a 9"pie.

Crust (Use the recipe below, or buy pre-made pie crust. Use Dreena's recipe if you need a gluten-free crust.)
1/2 c + 2 Tbsp unbleached all purpose flour
1/8 tsp salt
2 Tbsp Earth Balance buttery sticks, cold (I think the regular EB tastes like shit, so I always use soy-free. It's yummy.)
1-2 Tbsp ice water
3/4 tsp apple cider vinegar

Pie Filling
1/2 c canned pure pumpkin
1/4 package extra firm silken tofu
4-6 pitted medjool dates, soaked in hot water
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 Tbsp cornstarch or arrowroot
1 tsp pumpkin pie spice (store bought or make your own)
1/8 tsp salt

Marshmallow Topping
4-6 large Dandies marshmallows, cut in half

Preheat your oven to 350º.

Cut dates in half and discard pits. In a small bowl, pour boiling water over dates and let sit while you prepare the rest of the ingredients.

Grease ramekins with Earth Balance and set aside.

To make the crust, fill a measuring cup with 1/4 cup ice water and a couple ice cubes. Set aside. Whisk the flour and salt together in a medium bowl. Cut in Earth Balance with a pastry cutter until crumbly. Add one tablespoon cold water and the apple cider vinegar and mix with a fork. Keep adding water 1/2 tablespoon at a time until the dough holds together, but isn't sticky.

Roll the dough out on a piece of floured parchment paper. I use 3/16" dowels from the hardware store as a guide because I'm terrible at rolling dough out evenly.

Using the bottom of a ramekin as a guide, cut around it so you have a circle of dough that's the same size as the base of the ramekin. Press the dough into the greased ramekins, spreading it slightly to form a small lip around the edge. Poke the dough all over with a fork. Place ramekins on a baking sheet and bake for 10-12 minutes, until crust starts to look cooked but doesn't brown.

While your crust bakes, prepare the filling.

In a food processor, combine the pumpkin puree, tofu, dates, and vanilla and process until smooth, scraping down the sides a couple times if necessary. If you have any stubborn date chunks, take them out and chop them into small pieces, then add them back in and process. Add the cornstarch, pie spice, and salt, and process until everything is combined.

When your crusts are done with their mini baking session, divide the filling equally between the two ramekins.

Place them back on the baking sheet, and bake 35 minutes until the surface starts to crack.

Add halved marshmallows, leaving some space between the marshmallows and the edge of the ramekin. Bake another 5-10 minutes, until marshmallows are toasty and golden. This step could possibly be done by putting the pies under a broiler for a few minutes, but again, I'm ghetto, and my oven doesn't have a broiler.

Cool your pies. Eat them as soon as they're cool, or refrigerate them and eat them (for breakfast!) the next day.

These can be eaten straight out of the ramekins, or you can pop them out and eat them with your hands, like a giant cookie. This is my preferred method of consumption.

If you want to use the filling to make a regular ol' 9" pie, use an entire 16 ounce can of pumpkin and one package of silken tofu, and quadruple the rest of the measurements for the crust, filling, and marshmallows. Pour into an unbaked 9" pie crust and bake 15 minutes at 425º, then lower heat to 350º and bake 50 minutes, until the surface starts to crack. Top with halved marshmallows and bake another 10 minutes, until marshmallows start to brown. Chill in the fridge, and serve.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Homemade Pumpkin Pie Spice

...because making your own is more fun than buying it at the store, and you can change it up based on your taste buds.

Love cinnamon? Add more. Hate cloves? Leave 'em out!

Add some cardamom! Add some crushed up Xanax! Just kidding. Don't do that.

Pumpkin Pie Spice
Makes about 3 tablespoons. Can easily be doubled.

(All spices are ground, obviously.)

1 Tbsp allspice
1 Tbsp cinnamon
1 1/2 tsp ginger
1 1/2 tsp nutmeg
3/4 tsp cloves

Combine everything in whatever container you want (spice shaker, mason jar, sandwich bag, etc.). If your container has a small opening, measure the spices into a small bowl and use a square of parchment paper as a funnel to get it into your container. Close the container and shake it all up.

Ask your significant other to make a label for you, then laugh hysterically when you see it.


Use your spice mix to make things taste autumny, like this recipe for pumpkin mini pies with toasted marshmallow topping.

Friday, November 8, 2013

Build-a-Boner Cake Tutorial

I firmly believe everyone should know how to make a quick penis cake. 

Heh. Firmly.

Pretty much appropriate for any occasion, right? Bachelorette party? Duh. Baby shower? A penis most likely was involved in the baby-making, so yes. Quitting your job? Tell them to eat a dick and hand them this cake.

See? SO VERSATILE. And it's totally easy!

You will need:
Eight cupcakes, day-old/refrigerated overnight
Dick-worthy plate for display
Bowl for collecting cake scraps
Parchment paper to cover work surface
Three bamboo skewers
Pen or marker
Serrated knife
Flesh colored buttercream frosting
Piping bag
Flat decorator tip (I used Wilton 150. You could use Wilton 125 for a large cake.)
Icing knife/spatula/whatever you call it
Glass of hot water
Paper towel or dish towel
Small square of wax paper (2"x2")
Brown sprinkles

Soft, fresh cupcakes make this difficult to sculpt. Day-old cupcakes that have lost some moisture work really well and stand up to the serrated knife without falling apart. Really, the cake is more for show than it is for taste, so don't stress out too much over using not-so-fresh cupcakes. Cupcakes with a flatter top will make it a little easier, but round ones will work, too.

Ready? Let's make a vegan penis cake! I used eight standard-size cupcakes; five for the shaft, two for the balls, and one for the head. You could try it with mini cupcakes, or bake a cake and use a large circle cookie cutter to make a penis with some girth.

If your cupcakes are really round, use the serrated knife to shave down the domes to just a little above the cupcake paper, so they have flat tops. They'll be easier to stack this way. 

Peel the papers off your cupcakes and place the cupcakes top down on your parchment paper. Place three cupcakes in a triangle in the center of your plate, again with the tops down. These will be your balls and the base of your shaft. If your cupcakes aren't all the same size, pick two that are close to being the same and use those for the balls. 

Place the shaft base cupcake back on your parchment, top down, and use the serrated knife to cut it into a cylinder the diameter of the base (the upward-facing part). Once it's nice and cylindrical, he can go back to hang out with his testicle friends.

Out of the five remaining cupcakes, choose a nicely shaped one to use as the head and set it aside. Carve the remaining four cupcakes into cylinders like you did with the base. Remember to save the scraps from carving. We'll use these to fill in the scrotal area.

Finally, make the head. Keeping the cupcake top-down on the parchment, shave the edges of the upward-facing part into a nicely rounded dome. I was going for a cartoonish look with this penis. If you want to get really serious, you can make yours look more anatomically correct. 

From there, stack your four cylinders on top of the base piece. Add the head. If your wiener is wobbly, you might have to hold onto it with one hand while you measure your skewers. 

I love that I just used the phrase 'if your wiener is wobbly.'

Stick two skewers into the penis pointy side down, and use your pen to make a mark on the skewers at the top of the stack of cupcakes. You'll want them to be a tiny bit shorter than your penis so they don't stick out, so break the extra inches off just below your pen mark. 

Stick them back into the shaft, pointy end first, leaving a little room between them. These will provide support for your little guy. You might have to rearrange them a couple times before things feel structurally sound. Sometimes putting the skewers in at a slight angle helps.

To add a little additional support, poke a skewer horizontally through each testicle and into the penis, measuring it like you did for the vertical support. Break it off and stick it in. Ha.

Now, for the balls. Don't worry about turning these into cylinders. Just use your handy serrated knife to round the edges of the testicular cupcakes. Once they're nice and rounded, use the scraps from all the carving you've done and fill in the areas between the nuts and the base, like I did in the photos below.

Pack those crumbs in there nice and tight.

Now you're ready to cover your penis in frosting! 

(Let's all take a moment to think about penises covered in frosting, shall we? Yes, yes, we shall. Yum.)

Ahem. Back to the tutorial.

I made a standard vegan buttercream and used a bit of cocoa powder and a few pinches of turmeric to naturally give the frosting a nice fleshy color. I usually just wing it when I make frosting, using 1/2 cup each of soy-free Earth Balance and a vegetable shortening, then adding a splash of vanilla, tiny pinch of salt, and dumping in powdered sugar until it's the right consistency and tastes good. I'll measure it out next time I make it so I can add it to this post. 

Ready to frost? Let's go!

Spread an even layer of frosting over the shaft and head, one section at a time, and smooth with a spatula. Once these areas are frosted, place the cake in the refrigerator to let the frosting set for 20-30 minutes. 

When the frosting is dry to the touch, fill a glass with HOT water, grab a dishrag or paper towel, and have your little square of wax paper ready. Dip the spatula in the water, dry it on the rag, and smooth small sections of the frosting through the wax paper until you're happy with the smoothness of your penis.

Finally, frost the cake's scrotum. Don't worry about smoothing this part. When was the last time you saw smooth balls? Add sprinkle pubes to the balls as soon as you frost them, otherwise they won't stick and your cake will look prepubescent. No thanks. If you wait too long to add the sprinkles, just slap another layer of frosting on the balls and add the sprinkles immediately.

That's it! What are you waiting for? Go bake some cupcakes so you can do this tomorrow! And if you do it, I would absolutely love to see your penis! Cake dicks for everyone!

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Garbage Disposal Cookie Recipe

A few nights ago, my uterus was all, "Hey! Mom! We want cookies and salty snacks and chocolate and EVERYTHING."

Is it weird that my uterus calls me mom? I mean, my cats call me mom, but that's different.


Ask, little uterus, and you shall receive. Let's make some garbage disposal cookies.

Vegan Garbage Disposal Oat Cookies with Chocolate Chips, Pretzels, and Dandies Marshmallows

I made mine with liquid stevia because I can't handle a lot of sugar. I figured the sugar in the molasses, chocolate chips, and marshmallows was plenty for me. I haven't tried the sugar version of the recipe because I don't want to freak out and feel like shit and have to nap for six hours. Please let me know if you try it, and if 2 teaspoons is too much or too little and I'll adjust the note.

Garbage Disposal Cookies (vegan, gluten-free option, low-sugar option)
Makes 6-8 small cookies. Recipe can easily be doubled.
printable recipe

1 tsp ground flax seed mixed with 1 Tbsp water

1/4 cup quick-cooking oats
1/4 cup flour of your choice (I used 2 Tbsp teff flour + 2 Tbsp sorghum flour)
1/2 Tbsp fresh, finely ground coffee (crappy coffee is fine in these, just NOT instant coffee)
1 tsp baking powder
1/8 tsp sea salt
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp ground ginger, cardamom, allspice, more cinnamon, or any other spice you love

1 Tbsp melted Earth Balance (or oil of your choice)
3 Tbsp unsweetened almond milk (soy, rice, or coconut would work, too)
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
25-30 drops liquid stevia (or 2 tsp sugar)
1 Tbsp molasses (optional, but DELICIOUS)

1 Tbsp mini chocolate chips
1 Tbsp toasted coconut (or nuts, raisins, potato chips, cereal, peanut butter chips, etc.)
2 Tbsp broken up mini pretzels (about 4 pretzels, use gf pretzels if you need to!)
Dandies marshmallows, chopped into small pieces

Preheat your oven to 350º. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

In a small bowl, combine the flax and water. Set it aside.

Whisk your dry ingredients together in a medium bowl. Set that aside.

Measure your fillers into a small bowl and set aside. I found it easier to cut up the marshmallows and add them to the dry ingredients so they didn't all just stick together in the bowl o' fillers.

Combine wet ingredients in a small bowl. Add the wet mixture to the dry ingredients and stir until it's nicely combined. Fold in your fillers (chocolate chips and all that). Scoop the batter on to your lined cookie sheet by heaping tablespoons. Flatten each cookie just a bit.

Bake the cookies for 8-10 minutes. Let these cool on the cookie sheet for 5 minutes before transferring to a wire rack, otherwise marshmallows will stick and it will be sad. Cookies will be fluffy and muffin-like and you'll probably eat them all in one sitting.

Shit. I just had an idea. I'm going to make banana "ice cream" and make ice cream sandwiches with these. Maybe with a little peanut butter mixed in there. THANKS, UTERUS.

Are you going to make these? What are you going to put in them? Can I come over if I promise to bring champagne?

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Gluten-Free Vegan Pumpkin Spice Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe

These cookies came from a desire for fall flavors, mixed with some laziness.

I've made a few things from Betty Crocker's gluten-free cookie and cake mixes recently with great results, but I hadn't been brave enough to start adding or changing things beyond subbing in oil and a flax egg. I figured I could just make a few modifications to the chocolate chip cookie mix, hope for the best, and eat whatever pumpkin-flavored mess I pulled out of the oven.

I can't believe they turned out as delicious as they did.

Just to make sure it was really that easy to make something so yummy, I made them a second time and took them to work. Almost everyone who ate one asked for the recipe. It was a happy day for this little baker girl.

So, I made a video. Finally. It's something I've wanted to do for a long time, but was always to lazy to do it. These cookies are too good to not share.

I know. The lighting is terrible, and the video is really choppy, but I'll get better the more I do this. Which should be often, because it was a lot of fun!

Oh, and here's the recipe in case you're a jerk and don't want to watch the video. Jerk.

Easy Pumpkin Spice Chocolate Chip Cookies
(vegan, gluten-free)
Makes 20-24 cookies

1 Tbsp ground flax seed mixed with 3 Tbsp water

1 box Betty Crocker Gluten-Free Chocolate Chip Cookie Mix
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp ground nutmeg
1/4 tsp ground ginger

1 cup canned pumpkin puree (NOT canned pumpkin pie mix)
1/4 cup oil (canola, coconut, melted Earth Balance, etc.)
1 tsp vanilla extract

Preheat your oven to 350º. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

Combine flax and water in a small bowl and set aside.

Combine cookie mix and spices in a large bowl and set aside.

Combine pumpkin, oil, vanilla, and flax mixture. Give it a good stir, then add it to the dry ingredients. Mix until it's nicely combined. Dough will be sticky. Scoop dough onto your baking sheet by heaping tablespoons, leaving an inch between cookies. Flatten each one with the back of the spoon.

Bake cookies 11-15 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into a cookie comes out clean. Let the cookies cool completely before storing in an airtight container for up to 4 days. Leftovers can be frozen, but you won't have any leftovers.