Friday, December 20, 2013

Christmas Penis Gingerbread Cookie Tutorial

Festive gingerbread penis cookies! With Santa hats! And SPRINKLE PUBES!

This video tutorial will show you how to create a flaccid penis wearing a Santa hat even if you don't have a Santa hat cookie cutter.

Everyone already has a flaccid penis cookie cutter, right?

The cookie recipe comes from this site, but I've made a few changes to the ingredients and technique.

Vegan Gingerbread Cookies
Makes 2 to 3 dozen cookies, depending on the size.

1/3 c soy-free Earth Balance, at room temperature
1 c coconut sugar, brown sugar, or evaporated cane sugar
1 c unsulphured molasses
3/4 c water
6 c all-purpose flour
2 tsp baking soda
3/4 tsp kosher salt
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp ground ginger
1/2 tsp cloves
1/2 tsp allspice

Vegan Royal Icing
sprinkles (optional)

In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, or in a large mixing bowl and using a hand mixer, cream together the margarine, sugar, molasses, and 1/2 cup of water.

In another bowl, sift together the flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, ginger, cloves, and allspice. Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients, adding just enough of the water to incorporate all the flour and form a dough that holds together well.

Form dough into two equal balls. Wrap one ball well with plastic wrap and set aside. With a lightly floured rolling pin, roll the first ball of dough out on a piece of floured parchment paper to 1/4" thick. Cover with plastic wrap. Repeat the process with the second ball. Refrigerate dough disks for at least one hour, or overnight.

Preheat the oven to 350ยบ. Line a large baking sheet with parchment paper. Remove the dough from the fridge one disk ant a time an use cookie cutters to cut out your desired shapes. Use a spatula to transfer the cookies to the prepared cookie sheets, leaving 1 to 2 inches between cookies. Place the sheet of cookies back in the fridge and refrigerate 15 minutes.

Bake cookies for 10 to 12 minutes, until the surface is firm. Transfer to a wire rack to cool completely. Decorate with royal icing and sprinkles.


  1. You have mad skill! You probably dont need these but I thought of you when I saw them.

    1. Thanks, sweet cheeks! These cookie cutters... just amazing.